Pope attempts miracle in New York

Will the third time be the charm for the power of the Pontiff? Pope Benedict XVI will attempt to purify the most unholy ground in all of America tomorrow when he says mass at Yankee Stadium. Two previous Popes, John Paul II in 1979 and Paul VI in 1965, have said masses in Yankee Stadium, but sadly neither was able to dispel the evil aura surrounding the field. Perhaps Benedict will have more luck, and come Monday, George Steinbrenner will announce his bold plans for an MLB revenue sharing agreement, or Alex Rodriguez will donate half his monolithic salary to build new ballparks across America. Despite his holy powers, I think the Pope will fail and the Yankees will continue their diabolical ways, but hey, a guy can dream can't he??

Comments

[Ed]

This is more like Final Rites.

[Joe Loy]

I'm not sure anyone wants to pray for THIS miracle. The possible implications for George Steinbrenner are way too frightening. It only takes how many miracles for canonization??

[Brendan Loy]

Heh.

[ChrisN]

Trivia question: Can you name the three former Cardinals who are honored in Yankee Stadium's Monument Park?

Roger Maris
Paul VI
John Paul II

[Mad Max, Esquire]

ChrisN-

Now that's funny.

[Texasyank]

1964: Yankees win fifth pennant in a row.
1965: Papal visit.

Result: Yankees win zero pennants for the next dozen years.

1978: Yanks win third pennant in a row, beat Red Sox in one-game playoff (AKA The Greatest Game Ever Played), win second consecutive World Series.
1979: Papal visit.

Result: Yanks fall to fourth place, team captain dies in plane crash. Team does not return to playoffs for 17 years.

2007: Yanks reach playoffs for 14th consecutive season.
2008: Papal visit.

Result: ???

[texasyank]

Oh, damn. Forgot. They returned to the playoffs in 80 and 81, though no ring. I guess we're safe after all.

[Brendan Loy]

Speaking of the pope...

SOUTH BEND, Ind. -- Pope Benedict XVI came face to face Thursday with a scandal that has left lasting wounds on the American church, holding an unannounced meeting with several Notre Dame players who claim they were abused by opposing teams.

President Rev. John I. Jenkins, who organized the meeting and attended, gave the pope a notebook listing some 65 players who had been abused by Southern California alone going back several years, a Vatican official said.

"It was a moving, healing experience," cornerback and victim spokesman Terrail Lambert told reporters afterward. "It was very emotional. There were a lot of tears."

Choking up, through a quivering hitch in his voice, Lambert added, "We showed him burn marks, blisters...scars no one has ever seen before."

The pope had requested the meeting, which took place in the secret underground chamber coach Charlie Weis uses as a film room, accessible only by putting a large amount of weight on the swivel chair behind his desk, which acts as a kind of trap door that sent the pope careening down a water slide-length tube lubed by what appeared to be artificial butter and into an Olympic-sized pool of popcorn, Goobers and fried catfish, witnesses said. ...

"No words of mine could describe the pain and harm inflicted by such abuse," the pope said in a public homily to the entire team. "It is important that those who have suffered be given loving attention, and possibly human growth hormone."

Heh.