Eco-nuts prime suspects in ironic home fires

The eco-terrorist whack-jobs of the Earth Liberation Front are the likely culprits behind an arson attack which burned down three homes and damaged a fourth in a suburb of Seattle earlier this morning. Whoever set the fires left behind graffiti with the initials ELF which slammed the houses, built as part of the Street of Dreams last year. The multi-million dollar homes were certified green homes, one of them achieving the highest possible rating. All the homes included recycled materials in their construction, water conservation, and other green techniques. Fortunately none of the homes were as yet occupied and no one was harmed.

The eco-morons from the ELF have been responsible for other such attacks in the Pacific Northwest, including setting fire to a horticulture lab at the University of Washington in 2001.

Comments

[Scientizzle]

I worked two summers for a timber company that was targeted by these dipshits. They burned down the local company headquarters, a modest wooden structure. Naturally, the timber company rebuilt, creating an all-concrete compound that was twice the size, utilizing a lot more non-renewable resources.

These morons (and associated groups) like to pester research scientists, too. Especially 'round these parts...

[Condor]

They're not exactly Santa's helpers, are they?

[Mike]

They do insane damage many place. They firebombed the faculty offices here at MSU in 1999 in Agriculture Hall because the university was researching genetically modified crops. Of course, by doing so, they directly lead to more GM research, in an effort to recreate the previous findings without...

[Sean]

I propose a demonstration against this wanton destruction of the natural environment of the noble human animal. This species - Homo sapiens, which literally means Smart Man - is the only species that has formed language, the only species that practices religion, the only species that grows its own food, the only species that uses tools to make other tools, the only species that not only tries to survive but also asks why it should survive. Should the mighty human disappear from the animal kingdom, all these things will be lost from the World of Life. It will be a tragic blow against biodiversity. And, as all our brothers and sisters in the World of Life are connected, are one, it will affect other beings in a chain, as well. Species of grain cannot grow on their own in the wild any more. They require human planting and human harvesting. If they go extinct, many a species of insect that lives upon these grains will also suffer. I hesitate to ponder the rest of the devastating chain of consequences.

I say we march. I'll bring the life-size puppets. Who can do an ironic postmodern art installation? Oh, yes, and donations are welcome to HALF, the Human Animal Liberation Front.

[Angrier and Angrier]

I would like to hear more about this situation. Not to say that ELF isn't responsible, but with the downturn in the housing market, I would be interested in hearing how well the developer has been doing financially. I can imagine a builder looking at a big loss doing something like this and framing a radical, anonymous group like ELF. To be clear, I am not defending ELF. But I know a lot of home builders have been going under in the past year.

[Mike]

"This species - Homo sapiens, which literally means Smart Man - is the only species that has formed language, the only species that practices religion, the only species that grows its own food, the only species that uses tools to make other tools, the only species that not only tries to survive but also asks why it should survive."

Actually, Sean, only some of those are true. There are a number of South American ant species which live by farming fungus--bringing back organic material to the nest, spreading it in fungal growth chambers, and then eating the fungus, not the fertilizer materials (for convenience, I give you the Wikipedia article). They even actively carry the fungus to new nests, and their agriculture (or, if you prefer, fungiculture) greatly precedes ours. Language, of course, is hotly debated, with some researchers proposing a vocal language in cetaceans, others in birds, and other arguing for a native sign language among chimps. Even in religion, Jane Goodall argues that the chimpanzees of Gombe have the basics of a religion as evidenced by their displays during lightning storms, which get termed rain dances.

Thus far, we are indeed the only species that makes tools by way of other manufactured tools. Then again, the standard used to be that we were the only animal to make tools at all, until Goodall documented tool-based termite fishing among the Gombe chimps, so the goal posts are changing.

[Angrier and Angrier]

ELF has a point. The world would be better off without people. I believe the members of ELF should lead the way and turn themselves into compost. What a fine example they will set. I think everyone should encourage them on their way.

[Angrier and Angrier]

On another note, I wonder what the CO2 emissions were from those burning houses? Hopefully ELF at least used E85 to start the fires. That said, they should probably look into more environmentally friendly terrorist tactics. Maybe using Priuses for car bombs or organically based spray paint for their signs.

[Trisha]

Angrier, I was thinking the same thing. And, why are these environmentalist whackos targeting the very homes they preach about to everyone else? If they really did do it, why? They should have been happy that they were "green" homes.